Friday the 13th

My gosh, what a day. I woke up this morning (last night) at 3am feeling strange. I thought I should go to the bathroom. To pee, I assumed, as per usual. But it seems my poor body had something else entirely in mind. I horrible diarrhea (sorry)-- just one bout, but pretty intense. I'd heard/read this was an early sign of labor, so it made me suspicious. 

Then the contractions started. Nothing severe, but definitely there-and ten minutes apart. Consistently. I tracked them for about an hour then fell asleep exhausted. Those suckers wipe me out! They were definitely painful. But bviously they weren't too strong, or I'd never have been able to sleep through them. 

I woke up in the morning exhausted but feeling ok. I didn't notice (or try to notice) any contractions or anything; I just got the kiddos ready and James off to school. I did, however, call the doctor's office afterward. I figured that if nothing else, they could strip my membranes earlier-- giving me that much more day to possibly deliver (and have Dr. F do the delivering, as opposed to an on-call doctor). If things were going to happen today, I wanted them to happen before 5pm so F could deliver me.

Anyway, when I called and explained, they wanted me to come in super soon, as Dr. F "would want to see me sooner rather than later" to make sure I wasn't too dilated. Stupid. I shouldn't have listened; it worked me up way too much (which I already was before), with worry as well as excitement. I just had a feeling that today might be the day. I think that feeling was hope. I had thought, however, that that feeling was some sort of intuition. Dumb. I took Jolie over to Rose's house to play with Anneliese (I owe Rose so big time); then I headed to the doc's. 

The office was really busy, so it took a while to get in there. They took my blood pressure (117/66), weighed me (175), and listened to the baby's heartbeat (140s). Then I stripped down and waited for Dr F. Then right when he was supposed to come in, Justine (his nurse) came in to tell me he'd just been called in for a delivery. She said he would be a while but that she could just check me, or another doc could. I told her I didn't care who did it; I just wanted my membranes stripped. She was about to grab a doctor when she peeked at my chart. Then she turned back around. 

Turns out I am Group B Strep positive. I have Group B Strep. It's a bacterial infection my cervix (I think?) has that doesn't harm me at all and is nothing I'd even notice. But it can seriously harm the baby. The baby can't get it unless exposed directly to it (ie during a vaginal birth, etc), though. But because of this, they won't strip me (ever... waa) to avoid the risk of contaminating the baby. It also means that they'll put antibiotics in my IV while I'm in labor, monitor the baby more closely at birth, and keep the baby (us, I guess) a full two-days after birth just to monitor her and make sure she isn't affected/ill.

After that fantastic news (sarcasm), she checked my cervix... and... nothing. No change whatsoever. Three centimeters dilated, 80 percent effaced (pretty soft, at least, not firm at all... so I guess that's something) and a -2 station. Just like last time. All that hurting and contracting had been for nothing. 

Needless to say, I was crushed. I totally cried. I tried so hard not to, but the tears wouldn't stop. I was so embarrassed. Justine was sweet, though, and at that moment I was glad it was her and not F. He would have been kind, but he would not have understood. Sometimes you just need another girl.

She told me about several things I could do to try and get things going. But once I was done crying (and got some food and did some shopping, haha), I knew I was done. I was done hoping to have her today. I was done trying to induce or encourage labor along. I was going to get a good book, take a good nap and do nothing at all but relax. It's what I needed (need) the most. And waiting would be fine. It will be. I'd just thought she was coming sooner is all.

I had kind of  hoped to start labor on my own this time. It's very likely my last pregnancy, and I thought I might be disappointed to have never experienced unplanned contractions, my water breaking on its own, etc. But after all that anxiety, emotional and physical, and after realizing just how painful the contractions need to be in order to go in on your own, I have no desire to do it that way at all! I remembered why inductions have always been my plan of action. I don't want the fear. Or the chaos. Or the anxiety. Or the pain. I like the controlled environment and the epidural and the experts there taking charge. So it's okay. It's good.

So now we wait. Again. Still. But I know a bit more about what's going on (mostly how none of it means much) and feel less panicked about it all now. One more week. I can do one more week. Especially if the days are nothing at all like today.

Exhausted sigh.

The End.