Labor, At Last

It has been nearly a year and a half since I last wrote in this journal posted on this blog.  And I wish I had a better excuse as to why.  Thing is, one week after my last post, I had a baby.  An amazing, lovely, enchanting baby.  I have her still; that's not the thing.  The thing is: labor was really, really awful!  It was my fastest and hardest labor, and I didn't want to write about that.  Because she, the baby, was lovely.  I didn't want to document how painful and awful the labor was, how terrified I was through all of it, how I had delivered a baby "naturally" without ever having meant to.  I didn't want her to think her birth wasn't magical- because it was, really.  It was just terrifying and painful too. Ugh. So I left it... and waited... and waited.  I think it's time I caught up.  So here 'goes.

Labor.  Oy.  Hm.  Hold on.

Deep breath. Okay.

So.  The last time I wrote, it was December 13th.  No baby that day.  I was bummed but decided to relax and let things go.  And as far as I remember, I did.  And it made the following week much happier. I posted several times on Facebook (FB).

FB post, December 17th: Two more days!! I'm sooo excited but also getting kind of terrified. I'm remembering just how much labor hurts! And what if I have to push for forever like with James and burn out from exhaustion? And what if there's something wrong with her? What if she's sick? What if my hot baths really did damage her? What if...?  I'd forgotten about the scary stuff.

On a related note, Derek was talking to me about this (mostly listening, but also soothing and reassuring). Then the second we said our goodnights, he was snoring! How is it even possible to fall asleep that quickly?! I'm so jealous.

FB post, December 19th: In less than 24 hrs, I'm going to be in the hospital getting ready to push! So excited that it's finally here! Tomorrow is going to rock our worlds.

FB, Later that day: I just found out that I call the hospital at 5am to see if they're too booked. If they're good, I come in by 6! !!!! OHMYGOSHI'MSOEXCITED!!

FB, Late that night: I really should be sleeping right now. It's past 10:30pm, and I need to be up at 5am to call the hospital. But I'm too excited and nervous to sleep! This is unfortunate, because I'm super exhausted as well.

Derek is nervous too, but he's out. That man is a professional sleeper! So jealous. Jolie's in her bed sleeping soundly. And James... Well, James is right here next to me.

Poor kid. He's so restless. He says his tummy is hurting and he can't sleep. I reeeeaaally hope he isn't sick. I'm thinking he is just a nervous wreck like his mommy. It's sweet but more so really sad. I don't want him to be anxious. I was hoping he would sort of forget about it all until school was out tomorrow. I'm thinking those chances are slim.

Wish us luck (and sleepy dreams)! Tomorrow will be a big day for us all!

It's sweet to me how intuitive James can be, how sensitive he is to the moods and anxiety around him.  He was excited, like Christmas morning, and like Christmas morning- he was anxious.  He could tell I was, and I'm sure that affected him.  He did end up sleeping, though, and so did I.  Pretty soon, it was December 20th, and it was go time.

I woke up at 5 am to a text from Dena, actually.  She was up feeding her newborn Mia and thought of me. About a minute later, my alarm went off.  I cleared my throat and called the hospital.  They said that things were pretty slow there and that I should plan to come in around six! I got up, got showered, shaved my legs, made sure we had everything and was just about ready when my mom showed up.  I'm so grateful for my mom for being available and willing to watch my kiddos for a day or two while Derek and I (and the new baby!) were in the hospital. I knew they would be in good hands, so I said goodbye, and we left.

We got to the hospital a little late (story of my life) and were checked in by about 6:40am.  Getting all the paperwork done and talking to the nurses, etc, always takes forever.  I changed into my gown (much less fancy than it sounds), got all hooked up to monitors, and got an IV set up (with fluids as well as with an antibiotic, as I was Group B Strep positive).  I think it was about 8am by the time all that was done.  They checked me, and I was just at 3cm. Nothing to write home about.  But enough that they could start me on Pitocin.  They did, and the contractions started.  I was shocked by how strong they were.  Yet I was frustrated because they weren't doing much.  I wasn't dilating much at all.

At about 9am, my doctor came in and broke my water. I was almost finished with the first bag of antibiotics, and at the rate I was going (I was only at about 4cm at that point), he was pretty confident I'd be in labor for several hours still.  That news was no fun to hear (I'm so impatient), but I was happy that he was willing to break my water. That felt like progress at least.  

 After my water broke, the contractions got really strong!  Really strong and really painful!  I wasn't crying or anything, but yeesh!  I was unable to talk through them and had to close my eyes and take deep breaths while they lasted.  I told the nurse that I'd probably like my epidural in the near future. She paged the anesthesiologist.

The anesthesiologist showed up around 9:30am.  He did a decent job if I remember right (no spine scraping this time, thank heavens) and was done and out of there by about 9:45.  As he was leaving, the nurses stayed back to see if I needed anything.  I told them that I couldn't really feel it working, that the contractions were still really painful.  They said it may take a few minutes to kick in, and that I should make sure to alternate which side I was leaning on to equalize the blood flow and therefore the medicine.  They walked out.  

Literally seconds after they left, I felt an immense wave of pain wash over me and an immense amount of pressure.  I started shaking uncontrollably.  I pressed the button on the arm of my bed to page the nurse.  "Yes?" they asked. "Um... I'm really hurting... really hurting... and... I think... maybe... her head is coming out of me??"  They rushed in, checked between my legs and gasped, "Yes! That's her head alright!  It looks like you're having this baby!"  

They panic-paged Dr. Fowers who was in his office at the time, just across the parking lot. And my room flooded with people running around trying to ready everything for delivery.  I remember feeling really panicked about how I would have the baby if he wasn't there to deliver her.  The nurses were good and reassured me that they could catch a baby if he wasn't there to do so.

It was all I could do to keep that kid inside.  My body was in so much pain and was trembling all over.  I had a death-grip on the side rail of my bed and could not seem to let go of it. As awful as it felt, my body was literally pushing on its own. It hurt worse when I pushed, but I could not stop it from happening.  It was terrifying.  And it hurt.  Poor Derek.  Looking back, I can see how scary it must have been for him, watching me writhe in pain and seeing the chaos all around us and being unable to do anything.  I remember at one point looking at him with desperate eyes and saying, "Help!"  then burying my face in my side rail again. Oy. Though for the record, it was pretty scary for me too.

My bed had not been set up for labor.  They usually drop off the end and remove the bedding and all that.  But there was no time, and by body was seriously frozen in the one-leg-up, one-leg-out position she had crowned in. So I labored on my bed, blood all over the bedding and all.  It was messy.  But I didn't notice that until later (when they put the whole lot of it in the trash, ha).  Dr. Fowers got there just in the nick of time.  He snipped me a bit to ease her out.  And wiggle-wiggle-wiggle, she was out!  

FB post, December 20th:

Cora Elyse Anderson
Born at 10:12am
7lbs 15oz
20" long

And she is lovely.