A Leap of Faith and an Exciting New Adventure

So.

(Deep breath.)

There are likely going to be some big changes around here.

And it's possible those big changes will occur around my mid-section.

Derek and I are going to have another baby.  Well, we hope so anyway, as we're going to start trying for one.

How did this come about? You ask.  Well, that's a very good question...  While we had originally planned to have at least three kids (back when we were young and naive), we have been thinking of stopping with just the two for several years now.  This having-more-kids thing is kind of a new thing... and certainly no easy decision.  You see, while we have been (and are) so happy with our two children and quite love having only two and one of each, we never could quite settle on the idea of being done.  We tried.  By golly, we tried.  I am just a little terrified of doing pregnancy all over again, a newborn all over again, and am baffled by the idea of adding a whole new person to our family!  But not doing so makes me feel a little sick inside, no matter how logical the decision seems.

I have talked to God (and Derek, obviously) about it off and on (more on than you'd imagine; I'm relatively obsessive as a general rule) for about the last year.  I told Him just how grateful we were (are) for the amazing, healthy, beautiful children we've been given.  I let Him know that we'd decided to stop with two, due to a variety of reasons.  Table for four, thank you very much.  But I added that if that wasn't the plan... if there was another, or several other, kiddos for us... that we were willing and wanting to do His Will.  We weren't absolutely set on the idea of just two, but you have to make some sort of decision, right?  I asked that He let me know if we should have more kids, maybe make me want to get pregnant and want a new baby (that's what happened with James to change our original planning; I think inspiration comes to me more in the form of nagging desire).

I figured it was a long shot.  I was no where near that place.  It's possible I only felt sorry for pregnant women and overwhelmed by the idea of a slew of kids- a slew being anything more than my current amount.  But guess what?  I'm sort of there now.  It has kind of happened slowly over the past several months (having pregnant friends possibly helped that, though consciously I felt more of the that-sucks-for-you kind of sentiments I previously mentioned).  But it happened.  Somehow, it happened.  I'm still ridiculously scared and hesitant about the idea, but the concept has grown on me a bit.

So finally, after trying to talk myself (ourselves) into being done and explaining to myself (ourselves) why that was the right decision for us... I stopped fighting.  And I said out loud an idea I had been thinking all along and hadn't let myself recognize: What if we had another baby?

What if we braved the big  número tres?

We thought about it, Derek and I, and we talked about it.  Then I relayed our thoughts to God.  And it turns out that while the idea is still scary and I have no idea how we'll make it all work... the idea feels... well... good.  I feel at peace, where I never did before.  Confused and a bit in shock, but still at peace.

So we're doing it.  (Insert dirty joke here.)

We're going to have another baby.

I'm getting my IUD out tomorrow.  No wasting time here, ha.  I'm stressed and overwhelmed and didn't sleep at all last night (seriously, not until 6:30am after bawling to Derek once he woke up for work), but Derek helped calm my nerves and quieted my fears (I seriously love this man), and as I was finally falling asleep I decided to take a leap of faith.  I'm going to try hard to turn off my need to have every question answered and every problem solved right now and just roll with it.  Heavenly Father has always looked out for us, and I feel like He's behind us on this one.  He will take care of us again.

And you know what?  Today, in my sleep-deprived delirium, I'm kind of excited!  A new little person to love!  A new beautiful face to smooch!  A new adventure!  I think it will be exciting.  If nothing else, it will be interesting.  I guess we'll have to see!

Let the adventure begin.

Anderson? Party of five?  Your table is ready.