Struggling

I was having a particularly rough day a while ago, and I couldn't seem to kick it.  Thinking expression might help, I snagged my phone (I was in bed, in the dark, so actual writing wouldn't work) and created a journal entry of sorts in the notebook app.  I figure it's as good of a journal entry as anything, so I should record it.  Below is said entry.



{Phone} Journal Entry - March 17, 2013

I've been struggling sooo much lately! I thought it was due to my neck pain and consequential irritability. But now that the neck pain is gone (which rocks), the incredible moodiness and irritability has remained (which sucks). I'm not sure what's going on.

It's getting warmer outside. The sunshine is returning. You'd think I would be happier. And I am- in bursts. But I'm also extremely angry (like skin crawling furious) for nothing at all in bursts. And heart-smashing depressed under it all, just hovering in the distance...waiting to strike. Why is this happening??

I thought I was maybe pregnant. Hormones can make me quite cookoo.  But I took a test today. Nope. Maybe it's just PMS? I've thought maybe my new package of Citalopram is full of placebos (as this moodiness started about when I got the new pills). Or (scariest of them all) maybe I just unravel this time of year. This is when I lost it after Jolie was born (and subsequently started taking meds in the first place).

Whatever the reason, I hope it resolves itself. And soon. I'm wearing down.

Depression blows.