A Consistently Good Day

{Phone} Journal Entry - March 18, 2013

Today was much, much better. Thank goodness. There was a whole lot of downtime, and I think that made a big difference. Scheduling stresses me out immensely. Having to be someplace at some time causes an incredible amount of anxiety. Even (or especially, as obligation and guilt are associated) church. Or any time I have to get up or be somewhere early in the morning. Even if it's a fun thing planned, I get majorly wound up and then I collapse.

It's always been this way. Or maybe it's worse due to the many blow outs that have occurred. All growing up, I would have to be somewhere (school trip, etc) in the morning. So I'd stress it all night, get no sleep, oversleep in the morning (somehow utterly disregarding my alarms), and my mom would rush in in the morning telling me the bus (or my ride) was outside waiting for me! Utter chaos ensued. Panic, stress, tension, arguments, embarrassment, etc. Consistently. Now the associated anxiety is inevitable. I'm a mess.

Anyway, schedules induce anxiety. So today- a mostly schedule free day- was much better. I also slept in (the kids ate dry Cheerios in the living room whilst watching cartoons). I should feel bad, but I desperately needed it. And they don't get to do that sort of thing often, so I think it was okay. I think they liked it. I certainly did.

Tonight we had an appropriately short FHE (I tend to make them too long), which felt good and made me happy. We snuggled and giggled and talked. And after the babies were in bed, I watched a couple chick flicks. I never do this. But it was way nice. One of the flicks was en français, which always makes my heart go pitter pat.

And so the day began well and ended well. I am happy. Hooray.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for a consistently good day. I needed that.